Friday, January 24, 2014

No sugar?!

Do you know that I haven't had a Coke
since the beginning of last July?
That is so NOT OK.
I would be dying.
Dying I tell you!
Well, that's NOT necessarily true.
Two days before Winter Break,
I broke down and bought a Coke
from the Coke Machine that sits
in my copy room at school,
took it to my classroom,
popped the tab,
took 3 sips,
and had an instant headache
on top of my right temple.
So that was it.
I got rid of the Coke,
and I haven't looked back!
Being the addict that I am,
I get the headaches if I don't drink it!

Side Note:  Do you know that in Texas
every soda is called a Coke?
It's a Texas thing.
You go to someone's house,
and they ask if you want a Coke.
Then they proceed to ask you
want kind of Coke do you want...
you ask what they have,
and they'll say, regular, diet, orange,
grape, Sprite,Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, etc.
How every soda became a Coke in the Lone Star State,
I have NO idea.
It's just a Texas thing.
I've heard that before and
I think it's so goofy!
To each his own.
Watch out, sista!
You're steppin' on my Texas pride!
If we want to call a Pepsi a Coke,
we will, and we'll do it with a nice Texas drawl!
Ha!  Rock on with your bad Texas self!
2 weeks ago I decided that since
I was doing so well without the Coke in my veins,
it was time to make another Life Change.
I am.....TODAY.....2 weeks with no sugar.
WOWZERS, Batman!
Now, if you're not a sweet tooth (like me)
you may say (as several of my friends have)....
What difference is THAT going to make?
Or....Are you sure that's a good idea?
Or....Maybe you should focus on exercising instead?
Hold up!
Can I just get a:
"Woot-Woot! Way to go, Queen Chaos!!!"
1.  No Coke?  Beyond impressed.
2.  No sugar?  Who are you?
3.  I would NEVER EVER
be able to do either.

It takes a skinny person to say to a fat person:
What difference is taking sugar out of your diet going to make?
Ya think?!
I used to do Weight Watchers
(great program that worked for me as a Stay At Home Mom),
and I actually lost all of my weight
WHILE eating chocolate on a daily basis!
Ever since I went back to teaching, though,
I just CAN'T focus on counting points.
I've been too busy shoving chocolate in my mouth
Uh, we have rubbermaid tubs of chocolate
conveniently stashed in each other's rooms.
Yep, that's how we roll!
dealing with all of the teaching stress
added to my parenting/life stress to be able to
stop and think:
Wait a minute, this is NOT a good plan....
Let's count the points in that M&M pack
(Snickers Bar, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, Oreo Cookie Pack--
insert any type of favorite chocolate here)
and see if I have enough points
saved up to have that chocolate today,
 No TIME for that!
Chew, Chew, Chew....
Gulp, Gulp, Gulp....
Chew, Chew, Chew....
Gulp, Gulp, Gulp....
Love how you're keeping it real!

Giving up my Coke (3 cans a day)
was hard but doable.
All I had to do is think
about my dentist hovering over me....
(Can't breathe! Can't breathe!)
and the desire for my favorite, red can would dissipate.
I thought to myself...
it's not easy for me to focus
and count the points anymore,
PLUS I seriously can't  make the meetings....
it's just too much for me, believe me I've tried.
I'm like an addict with my sugar,
and when I lost my weight before
through Weight Watchers,
I seriously had to go to the meetings
not once a week like they suggested,
but 3 times a week. Sad, but true.
Hey, nothing wrong with that.
If that worked for your life then,
more power to ya sista!
Hello, my name is Queen Chaos and I'm addicted to chocolate.
I'd say I'm her sponsor
but I'm more of an enabler.
Just saying...

 Confessions of a Choco-holic:
In the middle of the first week of giving up sugar,
I had a dream that I was eating cupcakes like a crazy woman,
crumbs were flying EVERYWHERE
as I shoved cupcakes in my mouth.
(I seriously don't eat that way in REAL life...
I'm not even a real big cupcake person,
so don't judge my dream world.)
All of a sudden I froze
with frosting smeared around my mouth
another cupcake in my hand,
crumbs all over the place,
and I thought in my dream brain:
"Oops....Something's not right!
Oh yeah....I'm supposed to be giving up sugar!"
Then I woke up.

MORE Confessions of a Choco-holic:
In the middle of my SECOND
week of giving up sugar,
I dreamt that I was enjoying 2 eclairs
(Now that COULD be real.)
when in the middle of my second one
I thought in my dream brain:
"Oh NO!!!
I haven't had sugar for 10 days,
what the heck am I DOING munching
on these eclairs????
Oh well, I'll start my no sugar routine
again right after I'm done eating THIS one."
Then...I woke up.           

I have issues.

I'm actually dreaming about chocolate.
How crazy is that?
Your dream self is
to your real self

OK....this is what I'm able to cope with....
I can have sugar in the form of juice (100% juice),
fruits, jelly, jam, and honey.
It's not really a diet,
I just don't do junky-monkey, sugary foods.
My brain may be frazzled,
but I can still tell if
something is a "dessert" or not,
even at my most exhausted times!
I eat anything else I want,
any time I want....
and surprisingly, this has been DOABLE for me.
Will I be able to keep it up?
Don't know.  But I'm trying.
I feel like my body won't make 60
if I keep going down the Sugar Express.
So...I pretend that I'm diabetic.
Not that I know the ins and out of diabetic eating rules,
I just know that sugar kind of puts me to sleep.
I get all funky, and I go into a Chocolate Coma.
So, of course, I eat more sugar to wake me up,
which puts me to sleep,
so I eat more sugar to wake me up,
which puts me to sleep,
so I eat MORE sugar to wake me up....
Do you see that there is something
not quite right with my thinking pattern?
I see a vicious cycle.
In honor of my Sugar Free Self,
I just had to throw in a
Charlie And The Chocolate Factory activity...
Your sugar loss is our gain?
Hmmm....doesn't seem right.

Willy Wonka Labeling Sheets
 Label Willy Wonka by writing the words:

 Label Willy Wonka by cutting and gluing the words:
Just choose the version that's best for you class....
My goal (and NO, Angela,
this is NOT a New Year's Resolution....
I know how you feel about those!),
it's just a goal (Mi meta-in Spanish),
is to make a month,
and then add in something else.
Something SMALL for the next one,
since this was a doozie!
I don't know....
not eating after 7pm,
So much for that popcorn
with your movie.
exercising so many times a week,
That's a novel idea.
lessening food portions,
The size of your fist
should be your portion size....
...or so I've heard.
something that's not a BIG, huge deal....
haven't decided yet.
Life is in the details.
Those 'little' details are 
actually a big fat hairy deal.
Just let me get to February 7th,
(or I may even wait until March 7th)
with no sugar,
and I'll decide then!
I am honestly beyond impressed
with you right now.
I kid you not,
 I wouldn't last a DAY
living like this!

My goal (mi meta)
isn't necessarily to lose weight.
 Although I would like that,
and it would be a major, additional bonus!
My goal is to get healthier so that I can make it to 83,
and not keel over before I'm 60.
Can you believe I'm throwing around numbers like that?
Wow!  I AM old!  Oh well, better old than dead!
When I was young, my dad used to joke (or so I thought)
 that our family just keels over at 83,
so we all better prepare ourselves!
According to him, my great grandparents,
and other relatives just have a
heart attack at that magic number.
That's it. 83.
I would hear him, and I'd think:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, WHATEVER,
and then I'd go about doing
whatever little kid thing
(and as I grew.....whatever teenage thing)
I was doing.
Well.....let me
My dad's dad ended up dying at 83.
My dad's mom died at 83.
They had been divorced for over 60 years,
led completely different lives,
and died of natural causes...
in other words,
my dad was not around snuffing them out!
But the clincher?
My MOTHER'S mother died at 83 in El Salvador.
That's just spooky!
Can this REALLY be happening????
And NO.....
my dad wasn't there at the time, either! wrap it all up.....
Holy Schnikes, Batman!
I have a shelf life!
Well that's a hilarious way to put it!
I think my head is spinning!
Something peculiar is going on!
This means that I only have
40 more years left on my clock!
 That is.....
if I don't kill myself with chocolate
overload before then!

I think I can....I think I can....I think I can.....!
Excuse me, while I go make myself 2 pieces of toast with strawberry jam.

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